Can on-the-go food be good?

I used to have a designated ‘flying sandwich’ I’d buy to eat on flights. It was from a popular chain and what made it suitable for flying was a) it was available in the airport and b) it was a baguette, which made it seem jazzier than a normal sandwich. I believed it added something to the thrill of the trip. Have you heard of a more ridiculous case of Stockholm syndrome?

But what other options did I have? I could sit down for a ‘civilised’ £22 fry-up, but by the time it arrived I’d have to wolf it and run for the gate. I could get a cheap burger and enjoy the sensation of it lodged in my tract while I sat contorted in a budget airline seat. I could pick up a wrap flavoured mostly with fridge.

Nothing says ‘We don’t give a damn what happens to you losers’ quite like the food in a British airport. Or motorway service station. Or theme park. Or anywhere you’re trapped and likely to find yourself hungry. I’ve often consoled myself that my local railway station’s coffee (which tastes a bit like pencil lead) has somehow been heated to 119°C and will, therefore, at least last for a good chunk of my broken, overpriced journey.

Must it be like this? Imagine a world where we could plan a trip to a theme park (Fun! Rides!) without having to dedicate a portion of the previous day to packing a picnic? Where the only alternative wasn’t to stare grimly around at our family members as – one by one – they reject the gunge-textured battered haddock and pallid, flaccid chips served in the themed restaurant.

That world is anywhere that’s not in the United Kingdom – but Japan is king. At Tokyo Disneyland, a place you couldn’t be more willingly and joyfully trapped, there are little green mochi that look like the Toy Story aliens, there’s a fried chicken sandwich in a bao bun that is the shape of Mickey’s hand and there are copious flavours of popcorn (including soy sauce butter, roast beef, and matcha white chocolate).

And that’s to say nothing of the elaborate bento you might enjoy on a reasonably priced, comfortable, fast Japanese train. Or the beautifully bundled tuna mayo onigiri and silky egg sandwiches you might pick up at a Japanese 7-Eleven. We’ve long ago put the ‘British food is bad’ cliché to bed. Sadly, though, it’s still fair to say that British food, when a British corporation suspects we might swallow literally anything, is heinous. Short of boycotting all places of travel and fun, I’m not sure what we can do about it.

I suppose we cope, like the good toxic Brits we are. We have a cup of tea and carry on. We pick up a distinctly average chicken caesar baguette and say with a bright smile: this is my flying sandwich.

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